Let me tell you about my ex. You see he had me doing and thinking things I never thought I would. I would wake up with my heart racing, wondering if I’d be able to make it through the day. I’d get ready, with my chest feeling tight, unsure of if I’d be accepted.
In public, my ex would have me feeling as though the glances of strangers were because of my inadequacies. As if they could see the labels my ex gave me like, worthless, unlovable, a waste of time and space. Those labels had me believing that I always had to try harder, work harder, to prove to everyone else around me that they weren’t true.
In disagreements with my family or friends, my ex would say they never loved you anyway. Even if I was out with my friends my ex would whisper in my ear that my friends were more fun, more attractive, and that overall they had more going for them than me.
Although I was pretty being pretty wasn’t enough. Even though I was smart being smart wasn’t enough.
My other ex’s liked me enough to make me feel special but not enough to feel secure. In my head, I always knew it wouldn’t last, and that they’d leave too like everyone else. But this ex, this ex said he’d never leave, and I believed it. Everywhere I went this ex was there, always ready with 2 cents ready to put me in my place.
My identity became depression, weak (emotionless), bitter.
My ex’s name was T-RAUMA and we were in a common law partnership for at least 20 years. The most unfortunate part is that T-rauma wasn’t just with me, but is with and has impacted and crippled so many others. T-rauma often makes a grand entrance, but then unless he has a party and invites his friends; sometimes you don’t even realize that he’s still there. That the thoughts you think, the way you speak, or how you interact with others is because of the trace left on you by T-rauma. T-rauma’s job is to strip you of your identity and make you think that your identity is your T-rauma. Are you walking around thinking that something is wrong with you? I did too. Maybe T-rauma has been and is still living with you.
It wasn’t until I met the perfect companion, the one who renamed me and showed me what my true identity is that I could finally breathe. I could actually give and receive love.
My new identity became lovable, strong, beautiful, perfect, justified (blameless), free (from guilt, sin..), and SAVED
Renee Ledford
My new identity became lovable, strong, beautiful, perfect, justified (blameless), free (from guilt, sin..), and SAVED
All it took from me was a decision and a leap of faith.
Don’t ever think it’s too late, if you’re reading this then you’re right on time.
Just raise your hand and I’ll introduce you to YOUR forever.
Renee Ledford
